Potty Training Child 2

How many times will this strike me? Each of my children is from the exact same gene pool and while sharing some common traits, they are all so different. So different. To be honest, I’ve been dreading this day. Potty training with Claire was such an exhaustive odyssey I just didn’t know how I would cope starting at the beginning again. Thank goodness I learned a few lessons along the way.
1. Don’t rush it.

2. Don’t push it.

3. Relax.

4. Really, don’t rush it and don’t push it.

We started too early with Claire desiring to be changing only one set of diapers and because she in so many ways seemed mature enough. Combine that with a rigorous training that claimed in three days you’d be done with diapers. 18 months later I was still banging my head against a wall. We didn’t leave the house for at least a week while training. I stuck by her side and enlisted family members to help with Conor. We had a little potty in the living room and potty seats in the bathrooms and car. I also pushed her and because she had some really good days I would justify not going back to diapers and waiting longer. I also just didn’t relax and demanded a lot from her (poor first child). I’m sure there were a combination of factors but one of the biggest was that I just didn’t leave her alone about it and out of my frustration at the accidents I allowed my frustration to show. It became a control issue. She could control her elimination and so she did. We did survive and finally are accident free, she really won’t go to kindergarten in diapers.

But this post is about training child 2, Conor. Registration for preschool was this week. We’ve been talking to Conor about using the toilet like a big boy for a while but whenever we try to even just let him go around the house without diapers he has a fit. Clearly, not wanting to let go of the diapers. For a few months I’ve been feeling that self imposed pressure to have him potty trained. I’ve done my best to resist. Recently we’ve asked Conor each morning if he’d like to wear underwear. 90% of the time he says nope, diaper please but occasionally he would say ok. That would last until he had an accident and then he wanted a diaper (usually about an hour or two). Monday when we got up in the morning for some reason Conor needed to be changed but no diaper was handy. I got his pajama pants back on him without too much fuss and then as always I got distracted. When like 20 minutes went by before I realized we didn’t get him a new diaper I offered underwear. Ok he said. That was pretty much it. I don’t even think you could call this training. In three days he’s had two pants changing accidents. Today he even pooped in the toilet. On Monday we had ballet class for Claire, Tuesday we had preschool registration, today we had a playdate at a friends house. I would have never dreamed I would be venturing out the same day we decide to potty train and yet here we are. Today at the playdate when he had to go to the bathroom he found me amidst the half dozen parents and 12+ children and told me he had to go. Who is this kid? We’re still at the stage that he runs to the bathroom every five minutes sometimes but he’s loving wearing underwear and he’s amazing. Experience keeps me wary that this really could be it but I am so thankful for my little guy and the break that thus far this process has afforded us both.

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magic bullet it may not be BUT…

As a follow up to this post I wanted to let you all know that we followed through with Claire’s request for Clifford. I have rarely seen a Claire demonstrate such determination. The deal we proposed to Claire was, keep your undies dry for three days and Clifford can come home. Unfortunately it took much longer than three days, more like three weeks before Clifford was able to come home BUT since then “Clifford” lets us know when Claire needs to use the potty and generally does a pretty good job. In summary, this whole thing is still a work in progress but, Clifford seems to be helping. He’s been home for two weeks now and we are pleased with the progress Claire has made.

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Underwear

This is a post about potty training. I just need to vent about it today. If you are tired of hearing about potty training, I will not be offended if you read no further. Try back next week, I will do my best to have a new and better post up. Today, I need to vent.

In hindsight, I realize my foolishness at attempting to potty train Claire at 22 months only six weeks after her baby bro was born and one month after we moved houses. It was foolish. That was last August, almost a year ago. 2011 was going to be Claire’s diaper free year but after a little cold in early January we pushed back potty training start time to the end of January. We have been pretty much diaper free but man, this has been a lot of work and most days I feel no closer to helping her along with this then I was back in January, that is depressing. This is the one parenting thing that may yet get the best of me, especially as I look to the future and see I have two more to potty train. I will not dwell on that thought any further lest I dissolve into tears.

January, we read Three day potty training, we ditched the diapers, we were gung ho. Claire did really well the first couple days/weeks but all along she’s always been damp before she will actually go to the potty. The damp doesn’t bother her either. I let that go for a few months, maybe that has been my mistake, how was I to know but Claire and I are first timers on this, we both are going to make mistakes. I was feeling positive and willing to accept a little dampness, we could go out and run errands, play at the park, attend play dates. Then April hit. Claire got some sort of stomach bug and had diarrhea. Things went downhill from there. Claire, my poop on the pot champ was pooping and peeing her pants, like fully peeing her pants The stomach bug left but the peeing and pooping the pants stayed…and stayed…and stayed. I did research, posted questions on forums, talked to the doc and everybody said the same thing “sounds like she’s not ready.” I could be the mom in denial, I fully admit that. But this child is very verbal and seems mature in many ways that lead me to believe, its not a readiness issue for her, its a power thing and a can’t be bothered with it if I’m doing something that’s more interesting that going potty. And let’s face it, most things on earth are way more exciting than taking a trip to the bathroom. In June, yes June, things completely deteriorated (as if I thought they couldn’t get worse potty wise.) She just stopped caring and would walk around with a load in her pants or completely soaked. We had a day trip to Discovery Kingdom planned with friends. Claire wet through every single pair of underwear and pants at least once (some I rinsed in the sink and dried on the stroller shade). She pooped in the kids fountain (and yes I was that mom walking through the kids and getting wet to pick up a pile of poop. nobody tells you about this stuff before you have kids). She pooped on the lawn when we got home, she pooped in the bath tub. By the end of that day I was saying to myself, I’m going to buy her a lifetime supply of diapers, she can be in diapers the rest of her life, I cannot handle this.

But there is always something that happens to shake my resolve. The next day when she peed her pants, I started to cry (listen, tired, hormonal, pregnant and frustrated mommy so yes I started to cry). Claire pats my shoulder, mommy be don’t be sad, be happy, I will make you a card that will make you happy. She then had no accidents the rest of the day (except of course the dampness which I will happily accept).

Here we are in the middle of July. Claire has her good days and bad days. Her bad days are almost always when we are out. Sometimes we do a pull up on longer car trips. She cries and cries when she has to wear a diaper during the day, even a pull up. I have even tried pads (she calls them stickies) but they also send her over the edge into a hard to recover from tantrum but we do wear them occasionally. Then yesterday the mail comes with an ad from Kohls and on the front is their Kohls Cares program displaying their featured books/corresponding stuffed animals for this season. Its Clifford and his pals. Claire adores Clifford. She asks if she can go to the store and buy a Clifford (I had to talk myself out of doing the very same thing for her at my last trip to Kohls). Josh and I talk and we decide, Claire keep those undies dry and poop in the potty for three days, we will take you to get Clifford. Its been 24 hours without incident. Will Clifford be the magic bullet? I doubt it but maybe it will bring us one step closer to potty training freedom.

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Potty Training – Again

When Conor was born I planned ahead the months and decided May specifically Memorial Day weekend would be the time we would potty train Claire. However, as I did more reading I came to understand that the impending changes to Claire’s life would most likely cause regression to any training I could accomplish before Conor was born. So, Memorial Day weekend came and went, Conor’s birthday came and went. We settled into our new place and August came. We decided to try in August. We actually worked with Claire off and on for months leaving a diaper on for naps, nighttime and any time we went out. We tried (totally unsuccessfully) to take her out one time with a diaper. After that we began to encounter lots of resistance to the whole process and Claire started just going to the bathroom wherever. So…good bye potty training. Josh and I didn’t want to go through the holidays battling this. Claire spent most of January with a cold that wouldn’t go away and then an ear infection so here we were at the end of January. Josh and I talked about Claire’s readiness and looking at how much money we’d spent on diapers and decided, let’s give it a go again.

I like to have a plan. I don’t always stick to the plan but I like to have something to refer to. A friend of mine suggested three day potty training. This method proved to be a little more rigorous than what Claire could handle but the guidelines were helpful. Day one was an absolute success. Day two Claire showed a ton of resistance but we pressed on. Day three I was going a little batty having not left the house except to go to the gym since Thursday. Usually the kids and I at least go for a walk once a day because otherwise I go nuts. Day three (Sunday) I panicked a little. Josh would be heading back to work and I would be home with Claire, I didn’t feel she was ready to go out. Tuesday I tried a small walk in the neighborhood. Claire refused to try before we left the house and promptly peed not five minutes out the door. AHHHHHHHHH. Now I expect accidents but it was just so frustrating because we had just left the house. I was also confronted with the fact that Claire is her own person with her own will. phew…We turned tail and went back to the house. I was too chicken to go out after that. By Thursday I was stir crazy and then we had the afternoon from hell. After naps we blew bubbles outside because it was a lovely day. I reminded Claire to tell me she had to go potty. All of a sudden her pants got wet and then she says “potty mommy” (internal AHHHHH). We trek inside get cleaned and changed (all the while Conor is shrieking because I had to set him down). I grabbed my phone and texted Josh “put a fork in me, i’m done.” For some reason of all the child rearing challenges THIS is the thing that has driven me to the brink. I pick up Conor, we go back outside. Josh calls me to make sure I’m alright. I remind Claire, tell me when you need to potty. She is painting now and there it is again (not ten minutes later). Potty mommy from her soaked pants and shoes. We run inside and do the whole routine again. All the while I’m smiling through clenched teeth assuring her its ok she just needs to tell me BEFORE she goes. I text Josh about the incident and say I need to get out as soon as he gets home. I pick up shrieking Conor and we go back outside. I run inside to get a refill on bubbles, I wasn’t in the house but a minute and return to the yard to see that Claire is nowhere in sight. I call to her, she responds from behind a bush in a tight voice. Are you ok? Her response? “Poop mommy.” Yep, there it is, in her pants. Really? All in the span of 20 minutes. So one more time we run in and do the drill clean up, changed, explanation (all over Conor’s shrieks). I text josh about the 3rd incident and he calls me back because sort of doesn’t believe me. I can’t make this stuff up. Thankfully Thursday was Zumba (my gym outlet) and I couldn’t get out of the house fast enough.

Josh gave me a pep talk after I came home from the gym but when Friday morning rolled around I was still dreading the day. Somewhere along the way we abandoned the night time potty training after three consecutive nights of changing the sheets multiple times a night especially because Claire was sleeping right through all the accidents. So we got pull ups for night time and called it a day. With Josh home I felt embolded and we started going out. Small things, trip to the park, dinner with my parents and thus far Claire has risen to the challenge. We have our accidents here and there but we are diaper free at naptime and all during the day evening for outings. I tote a potette in the diaper bag or backpack so we have something if we aren’t near a bathroom or are at a public restroom. Outings require a new level of strategy as we plot our course based on available restrooms but here we are and I’m thankful that with a little bit of fresh air and freedom, my sanity is returning.

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Bonding

If there was a question about Claire’s feelings for her brother, they have been answered this afternoon. For the last two days Claire and I have hunkered down at home attempting to master or at least novice this potty training thing. We are following guidelines layed out by three day potty training. Josh and little man have been bonding as this method encourages one care provider to be on point with the trainee.

While Josh and Conor were taking Lola for a walk this morning, Claire and I were doing crafts at her little table. She pulled her little chair up behind me, put her arms around my neck and pulled me back to her saying “come here my sweet girl. Come here let me hug you.” Melt my heart, need I say more?

This afternoon my parents dropped by to bring Claire some more craft supplies. Meme was holding little man and pretending like she was going to walk out the door with Conor. Claire seemed engrossed in her crafts at the little table but as Meme headed for the door and we were saying goodbye Claire cries out “Manus…where is Manus going?” Manus is the nickname my mom has given Conor. Claire with a scrunched up concerned face, “where is Manus going?” Claire was even a little teary. I guess Claire really has moved on from holding the “sole child” banner. My sweet sweet girl.

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Potty Training attempts/outcomes

Day 2 dawned with promise. Claire proudly announced “BYE BYE Diapers” when she got up and was all too happy to run around bare bottomed. The morning went well. We played outside, drew on her chalkboard and colored. We had three success during the day and I was getting excited that we were on the road. Again my support team was in place. Gi Gi was present to help with little man and Claire where needed. The second half of the day went ok, not as well as the first but we celebrated with a swim at my parents especially because it was so stinkin hot.

Day 3…From the moment she woke up Claire was resistant to anything related to the potty except going sans diaper. We played outside again, even had a little breakfast outside. This day Claire began hiding or running away when she went to the bathroom. While running to Claire to clean her up after her most recent accident and keep her from slipping I caught the couch foot with my toes and did something to it. At this point I don’t know if its toe or foot or a little of both but it is swollen and discolored and smarts! As the day progressed she demonstrated more agitation towards the whole exercise. She stopped acknowledging when she had to go and would just go. During her almost 3 hour nap (Thank you Lord, we both needed the rest) I got to thinking that perhaps I’m rushing my little munchkin. I don’t want this to be a fight between us and she most certainly was resisting today. I decided to take her queues when she got up.

Day 4 and perhaps beyond. This morning she was content to wear a diaper until she said she had to go potty. I didn’t have the house training proofed today though I did have my supplies ready to go. She spent half the morning diaperless, we had one accident but she was in the bathroom and had been showing more interest. So…I’m going to ease up for now. I’ve told her if she wants to use the potty she can go diaper free but if she is going to go on the floor then we need to use a diaper. No more intense training for now. I’ll keep you posted about the potty thing and any tips/suggestions are more than welcome. Now I’m going to ice my foot.

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Potty Training Experiment Day One

I’ve been contemplating Potty training for months now. When I found out I was pregnant last November I had a mental goal of having Claire out of Diapers by June and using Memorial Weekend to kick the process off. Needless to say that date came and went. It didn’t seem like the right time especially with Conor’s arrival approaching in June.
Now here we are in August, Claire is 22 months old, Conor’s presence is no longer new, we have no more vacations planned, let’s give it a go.
I’ve been talking to Claire for a couple of days now about saying bye bye to diapers. Last night I attempted to ready myself for the day ahead. Stack of wash rags, towels and paper towels for easy clean up. Squirt bottle to help in inevitable accidents, disinfectant wipes to sanitize the accident area, potty chair and potty seat, sticker chart and stickers for reward, books to read while sitting on the potty and waiting. It couldn’t have been a more perfect day, one of the warmest of the summer which made going bottomless and playing outside more comfortable. I enlisted my grandma’s help with Conor so I could focus on Claire – could not have got through the day without her.
6:45 am Claire is up and greeted enthusiastically by me. BYE BYE DIAPER day here we are! Claire was more than happy to ditch the diaper.
7:15am first accident of the day, potty accident. She didn’t seem bothered by lack of diaper.
7:45am Breakfast
8:10 am second accident of the day. Again unphased – I’m having a little doubt creep in, is she ready?
9:00 am Gi Gi shows up.
9:25am third accident of the day – poop – on the patio…she stepped in it too. Great, what was I thinking?!?!
9:45am fourth accident of the day – again on the patio. Easily hosed off.
10:15 am Claire begins to show interest in using the potty even if it is to show her animals the potty.
10:20am fifth accident of the day…
You get the idea. Basically the pre nap tally was a big zero for the potty and also no apparent recognition of peeing before or during the act. During the nap I’m feeling more and more discouraged…maybe I’m rushing this. When I was putting her down for her nap she kept saying “bye bye diapers!” She did wear a diaper during her nap.
Post nap…
Something seemed to click after the nap.
2:45 pm another accident BUT this time she actually told us she was peeing while in the act (ok…still an accident but to me that’s progress).
3:05pm yet another accident (poop this time lucky for me it was in the bathroom and easy to dispose of even though not on the potty). Same thing as before though, she did tell us she was going.
3:35pm actually made a couple of dribbles in the potty YEAH! Also showing increasing interest in having her animals use the potty.
3:45 pm and beyond more accidents but also many more enthusiastic trips to the potty. When Josh got home he commented that her Elmo potty chair also seemed to be accumulating more liquid. I confirmed it, all those little trips to the potty, were actually getting some potty in there! YIPEE.
As a reward for all her efforts today we took her swimming this evening. Good job Claire.
The jury is still out and probably will be for a couple more days if she’s ready but I’m going to keep trying at least for the next two days. I’ll keep you posted.

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